An update

It's been almost two years since I last did a post.

Ha ha . . . man, what a wild ride it's been - raising twins, my work just blowing up . . .  stockdogging was simply not a thing. I had a litter of pups - unfortunately only two viable, but both are pretty awesome and I think will make their mark soon enough. I've just started mine and I'm pretty excited about him. He's the Australian Shepherd I've always wanted and . . . I made him. And he reminds me of his grandmother in so many ways. Oh, right, and she died last May, too, at the ripe old age of 15. No regrets there.

So the stockdog stuff had been on hold mostly, though I was going out to Robbie's as regularly as I could to work his dogs. Rips for whatever reason was not really doing well there, but he was letting me handle his dogs so I could get better timing and feel.

And then it finally happened - this property on the main road out of town put up a sign that said "All About Dogs." It was so vague, I called them up . . . and the rest is history. Meet All About Dogs (with Kristin influence).

I now have my own stock, a pretty sweet training setup, and my brain is just exploding.

I've been emotionally maturing and letting a lot of stuff that used to bother me go - realizing it didn't serve me, and realizing that "imposter syndrome" is a real thing.

I spent so many years feeling unhinged without a trainer telling me what to do, and then scratching my head when Rippa didn't really improve all this time but knowing she was better than that.

The step to send her to Sherry was definitely the right one  - it proved her potential to me. The stud dog I chose for her was the "right one" and I got EXACTLY what I wanted out of the cross. I'm sad I can't repeat it but she had a hard time with the litter and it's not worth it to me to do that to her or me again. There are simply not enough ranch Aussies getting bred in CA and it bothers me that I get inquiries with nowhere to send them sometimes. But now is not the time for it.

I had my friend Roxy out to play with my ducks a while back and I was able to work her two border collies on them and everything started to click for me - I felt confident and I felt like I knew what I was doing finally. I could see what the dog was doing and what they needed and that lack of confidence melted away.

So when I got my OWN stock, I knew it was important to get the "right" stock because working at Stephanie's had me spinning my wheels. Her sheep are great for how she trains and her dogs, but I needed more dog-broke stock that could stay in the middle of the field or come in to me while I worked on my timing and my dog's placements. Trish Alexander graciously sold me some of hers and MY GOD the world is a different place.

Last session I had Rips out in my arena and we were driving and she was taking wide flank commands and I could NEVER have gotten that out of her prior to sending her to Sherry and then with these sheep. The fact that I am also shows me that it's not all me. That nothing is all me.

I actually just went through a really bad time at work where I internalized a message that was being given to me that I was not good enough. I woke up from that and realized that not only was I good enough, I was pretty amazing and it allowed me to let go of that voice when it came to stockdogs.

And so, now that I'm not letting other people's gossip or words or my imagination of what they think hold me back - I'm starting to find again that I AM pretty amazing. Not like . . . at stockdog training and handling, but I am seeing I have some value to add to the world - both as an Aussie breeder and also as someone who helps people with their dogs.

I've done a few instinct tests on my sheep so far and only one total dud. I figured nobody would have as hard a dog as I have, so hey . . . let's see. And so far I've been right. It might not be the most "perfect" start for people, but I have to learn somewhere. I'm seeing myself make mistakes, but I'm also really quick to stop making that mistake. I can feel it. I can feel subtle shifts in the dogs, and I'm really happy that every sessions so far has ended a lot better than it started - and when my own dogs go back a step after a session, I'm patient and not frustrated because I understand.

I'm also proud of my ability to verbalize what I'm doing and talk about it to people.

And moreover, things my main stockdog mentor, Kathy Warren, taught me - are coming back fast. One thing is I suggested to her once that she write a book and she said that things change too much for that and shrugged and was like, "Okay." But now I can feel it. One of my biggest mistakes was trying to fit the steps to my dog and when they didn't fit the steps, I didn't know how or what not to get them to the next step. So, a book with steps only works if all dogs are universal. My other pup went to Rick Hardin, who has my lines, and he suggested that I might just be frustrated because my dogs handle differently than what the people I take lessons from are breeding for. And suddenly, I was like, OHHHH, and so he opened my mind there and that helped me see that instead of doing it a prescribed way, I needed to be open to the idea that my dogs might be different in how they respond. And I think that's what Kathy was saying (also that training progresses, but yeah) - you can't put everything in a book or in a step by step process with stockdogs, even though I desperately wanted to be able to do that.

Most importantly, Kathy taught me stockmanship. I've always liked working behind the scenes because the stock has always been my #1 love - well before I was into dogs, so being the one to care for them and set them out and what not really gets me in my soul. I'm very proud that I can see the shadows and challenges to a set up and help animals feel comfortable moving off me with minimal stress. Teaching that to others, man, that's a whole new level of enjoyment for me.

Roxy came by and I had her do chores - taught her how to do gates but also how to make the sheep go through one at a time so that you were working on the sheep's manners as much as you and your dog. I learned that from the pens at Kathy's and I'm grateful that she gave me that experience, because I have gathered most people who don't own their own stock get that. I feel like that's going to be my #1 priority with my lessons is stock care.

I guess the other piece that's getting me is that you have to start somewhere. I'm leading a book group that's reading Jack Knox's book and he talks about how he gets the most out of the clinics he leads and that he wouldn't have learned anything from anyone compared to what he learned making mistakes. I've been poking on and off at stockdogs for 17 years - I think it's okay to put my shingle out at this point and help people - and be honest with where I'm at while I'm doing it.

And I'm so excited to be able to.